My first time

habt. blanca

Nobody told me what it was going to hurt.

Everything happened so fast… At first, I didn’t go because I feared what might happen, what that man named Raul, could make me. Days before I dare to ask for a day to see us, I was as crazy asking my friends, those who knew had experience with this topic, even, much to my regret, asked council to my parents who initially did not know very well how to take the news. but all agreed on the same thing: was not to do so. It was true that at the beginning you always hurt and, depending on the person, it could hurt more or less, but if you pressed the teeth and closed his eyes, the pain would happen soon. But how wrong they were. After finishing, I swore to me that he would end up with all of them lie to me in that way, by making me believe one thing, when really it was just the opposite.

I came to the site indicated a later time. And anyone could say that I arrived late because of the bus or because I spent the hour; but the truth is that I arrived late for the simple fact that didn’t want to go, wanted to delay the moment everything could; Although he knew that at any time you should take my jacket, riding me in the car and go to that damn place. He had only seen once Raul and the truth, from that moment taught me much confidence, but I never thought the thing would to this end. After getting parked, supported the forehead on the steering wheel, trying to reassure me, although that was quite complicated reached the point where I was. I caught air and finally decided to get off the car. I went to the door of the building with a step slow. Anyone who I was seeing at the time would think, not without success, that I was going to my death sentence. After once hit the ringer, Raul appeared through the door with a big smile. What you did to be so quiet? Damn the time in which I agreed to come… But it was late to take me back. No just look at him and forcefully twisting my hands, I followed him inside the room, crossing a wide room well lit, white-walled, with a pair of armchairs in one side and a square coffee table’s glass front of them. It was poorly decorated, so it could not distract my mind with absurd anything that could be found there; that made me more nervous still. I needed to have the busy mind and not thinking about what they were oblivious of me.

Took me a lump in the throat and could only mumble a simple thank you when Raúl broke to one side, inviting me to enter with a gesture of the hand. She looked at him askance and I went as fast as I could. He came behind me, and even with the smile on his face, something that was beginning to make me freak out, told me that remove his me pants, I lie on the couch and I plugged with the thin sheet that was there; When ready, it warned to him. After say me this, I closed the door behind him, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I looked with some fear the stretcher that was in the middle of the room. A relaxing music sounded background, but was far from reassuring me. I caught air and started to take off my pants too slowly and stayed standing, in panties, watching me around. After closing his eyes a moment, I lay on the couch of torture and keep capped with Savannah as Raul had told me. I tried to call him, but the voice I not left body. I carraspeé several times and finally came out a stream of voice powerful enough to make me listen to Raul. After several minutes that I became eternal, the door opened without producing any sound, then exit when Raul came into the room. Even before the start, I already started to feel some hatred for him.

The first thing he said as aceraba to me was that it was quiet and I relax. How you happened to tell me that at that time? Take it easy? How would it be peaceful knowing what I expected? Or rather, how it would be quiet if I didn’t know what was waiting for me? I started hyperventilating, something that I was embarrassed because I also wanted to stay as a coward. Many people before me had gone through that situation and the most if not all because there are always exceptions, spoke wonders of all things. But, and if I was the exception? And if at the end he was not as expected? And if it hurt me so much that I could not stand it and end up unconscious on the couch? I didn’t want to think in a negative way and less when Raul was about to start, but my mind was playing me tricks, doing that I get the worst. I couldn’t help my muscles are tensaran when Raul placed his hands on my legs. He gave a slight laugh while he told me that I had to relax, because if he did, it would hurt much more than it would hurt. I looked at him with wide eyes. < Hurt is going to hurt, but we can make that pain as mild as possible, > told me as you gaze on my legs with his face contracted by the concentration. Well, at least it was sincere, something which, although it may not seem it, were understandably reassured me enough. I caught air and I tried to relax my muscles as much as he could. And then it began…

I wanted to die, literally. I am sure that it would be less painful than anything. Legs were shaking me uncontrollably for the effort, he sweated profusely maybe fruit of the effort or, perhaps, tension.  I was trying to relax the muscles, but I was impossible, and as I had warned Raul, the more tightened them, more hurt. His hands were gripping force and I was trying to not cry. At that time I hated this man, to the day that I decided to go to see him, the day in which it all began… In my mind it railing against everything and everyone. I wanted to hit him, scratching him, yelling… If it had not been an unknown, probably I had thrown for him at the first sign of pain, but he was embarrassed to see me that way, so trying to contain my cries and moans; Although in certain cases it was impossible. The pain was so unbearable that when he could not, he said his name low asking him to stop a second. And thank goodness that made me case; but only stop long enough so that he caught air and then went on with his task.

The hour and a half that I was there I made eternal. When he got up and told me that it was over, I saw heaven open. I tried to stand, but the entire body was shaking me, seemed a flan recently done inside a car. With slow pace, I followed him to the front door. Once there, I gave him the thirty euros agreed and, after tell me with that stupid smile that had begun to be asco, which had done very well to be my first time, I went there as fast as I allowed my sore body. I went up to the car and tried to drive home without crashed me a lamppost or run over a pedestrian. All fear the principle had become a rage. Rage by my cowardice and low stamina and anger because, despite everything, he was not to do so and had been eating me days earlier by stupid head that, ultimately, was not for both. I started to laugh uncontrollably inside the car by my innocence and for being so silly. Yes, it had been hard, but tomorrow would be another day and it would see everything with new eyes. But what wrong was… The next day it was much worse, had aches all over because of the tension and the areas in which most had put effort, I hurt to rage, as if they nailed me small needles into muscles constantly. When I showed up that way in the kitchen, my parents and my sister could not contain laughter. Although he fulminara them with the look, they were laughing.

It was then that I decided that I would never go to a physical therapist, unless strictly necessary.

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